Its been awhile since I’ve came back from Iraq and yet, somehow it hasn’t fully left me. I always read and hear about how people who come back from there have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but I didn’t understand what it really was until now. Since I have been out in the field training and just trying to live my life normaly outside the Marine Corps, I have realized how my Iraq deployment has effected me. I don’t know very much on the subject, hell, I don’t even know if this is what I have, but I have something, and its causing me to alter my life unexpectedly.
I first was faced with the issue when I first came back to Okinawa. Just another normal day, and we were on a field trip to Expo Park, or the Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium. We were waiting by the gym to get picked up my the SMP bus and the environment was relaxed. I was eating something and I went to the trash to throw out the wrapper when I stopped dead in my tracks and noticed something about the trash can. There were these wires hanging out the side. One red and the other blue and they went out and came around, then back into the trash can. I froze and couldn’t move; my heart pumping fast and I could feel my body heat up to make a move, but quickly get cold because I was too frighten to make a move. The first thing that went through my mind was, “Oh shit, IED!” Just as quickly as it came, it went away and with a snap, I returned to present time. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed, but everyone else was busy. I turned back to the trash can and threw away my trash….slowly and carefuly. I couldn’t belive how scared I was of something like that when I am no where near Iraq. I, no shit, thought I was done for. I expected a blast to happen, but nothing. Gosh, that took a toll on me mentaly. I was quite uneasy until the bus arrived and I loaded up and listen’d to my buddy’s iPod.
I have had maybe, four more incidents with this problem and its getting more and more vivid each time. I think its time to go see a doctor and see if they have a solution to the problem. I can’t fix it on my own and I found this out when the nightmares began. Why is all this happening now? Is it the deployment that is coming up? Is it the field? I need to find answers soon, before it gets worse…
logtar
on August 17, 2006 at 11:38 pm
Your story is what makes me just angry about the war in Iraq. I have been so affraid that we are going to damage this generation as much if not a lot more than the Vietnam veteran generation. It saddens me to know there are people like you out there. I hope they can provide you with some real help and solutions to your problem and I wish I had words that could confort your further. Thanks for being a soldier.
Luna
on August 18, 2006 at 12:26 pm
The really scary thing is that it happens when something reminds me of the War in Iraq and with today’s media, its quite hard not to remember. I’m not saying I want to vanish all memories of me in Iraq, but the fear ‘instilled’ in me is getting more and more harder to supress on my own. I know a few other people that have it worse then me and the fact of the matter is that War does damage to you no matter how much you think otherwise. Then think of how many people have been there…
And thank you for caring
solitaire
on October 19, 2006 at 11:16 am
Sorry to hear of what you’ve been thro. I believe how fearful
it must have been for one to be in a place like Iraq now, whether for a civilian or soldier. I think Iraq is hell on earth. now. Almost everyday over the evening news, I hear of death in Iraq, so much so that I would now switch channel when news of Iraq comes on. I just can’t bear to hear anymore.
This fighting is doing NO ONE any good. Not even for me, for it hurts when one sees that life is so cheap there.
Why can’t common sense prevail, all round. I think all parties concerned have got to come to their senses - stop and think about stopping this senseless fighting. Something has got to give! Nothing can be achieved even if an entire nation down to even a fly is wiped out eventually. Nothing!
And meanwhile, just imagine what damage this war has done to the living (civilians, soldiers, etc..) who are caught in the midst of it.
Hope you are OK now with the professional help made available.
We humans are our own worse enemy. We are an intellegent species on earth, but stupid enough to use our intelligence to annihilate each other.
Sorry, if I have caused any offence by my remarks. Gotta get it off my chest.