Just not to confuse anyone but these entries are from my first few weeks on ship. Guess what? I am back on ship for another mission. I can’t talk about it, but just know that I only got to spend a few hours with Hiromi when we ported in Okinawa. Now I am back at sea and I am wishing more and more that I was on land with her. I don’t know how many more times the military is going to make me a liar. I said to her that after the Philippines I wasn’t going to leave her, but now look at me. Again, a broken promise. Fuck. Well, here is the last entry from my ship log before I came back. I stopped writing once we were close to the Philippines so these are short. If you want, I can do it again seeing as I am going to be at sea for an extended period of time now once again….sigh.

Ship log – Monday
Amazing. At night, the ship goes into a sort of silence that is in lack of words, scary as hell. You know that feeling you get after watching a scary movie and you get up alone to go down stairs to get a midnight snack? You walk down the stairs and tell yourself, there is nothing here. Then you wonder, why am I telling myself there is nothing there? Duh, its my house. Then doubt creeps in. You slow down and let your feet touch the ground more gently. Your eyes sharpen and try to make out every figure in the night as so nothing can surprise you. Your mind scrambles to remember where everything is in your own house. You are now near your destination and a sigh of relief leaves your body. You get your snack and soon after it happens. The hairs on your neck rise. All it takes now to complete the formula is a sound, a light, or even a thought. Check the toaster, you’re toast! You are running up the stairs with so much fear powering your legs nothing will stop until you reach the room with your friends or family are awaiting. Well, the ship is different. Surrounded by the dark sea, where do we run to? Our rack(bed)? I run only in my mind. I’m always running. Running to her. But I ain’t scared. Of nothing. I ain’t scared of anything. Just got to keep on moving. Moving in my mind, so that is what I do. Move.