“You are the winner!” I heard these words last night when I completed a game called Unreal Tournament 2004 and man, that game kicked my ass for awhile. While on deployment I beat Starcraft & Broad War, Unreal Tournament, Unreal Tournament 2004, Shellshock: Nam ‘67, Diablo 2: LOD, Scrabble, Doom 3, and F.E.A.R. Of course while being on ship, after you completed a game you move to another so I quickly moved through games and now without anymore games left, I am left thinking. I think,I don’t want to play anymore games.

With plenty of time to think about things on ship I have decided to uninstall all games from my computer when I come back to the rear (Okinawa). I think I can find something more productive to take up my time instead of playing a video game. I’m twenty-two and that has NOTHING to do with whether I should continue to game or not. I just think that my lifestyle could benefit more without computer games. I am becoming increasingly busier with ‘real’ world issues and a clearer mind is needed for task such as the ones that are before me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I can safely say I have a reached a point in my life where I have made decisions in my life that weren’t the right ones, but I made them because I cared too much for something or someone. If you don’t know me, I am the kind of person that can’t stand to hurt someone else and in turn, I throw myself into these pickles. Helping someone might be hurting someone else and it kills me that I have to choose but I have to. This is after all my life, but to put it that way is very selfish. I can only hope and pray that what I do turns out the way I want it so everyone can benefit from the choice. If it doesn’t,then shit. I don’t know. That is something I haven’t thought about and I should whip my back for not thinking about it then and now.

Funny thing is that when I was a kid in high school all I could think about was how easy life is going to be once I am a ‘grown up’. I use to think that grown-ups have it easy because everything is laid out for them. Jobs, love, friends, and all the answers were given to you. I hated school because there was so much crap that I had to learn that I knew I wasn’t ever going to use and it was confusing. I kept telling myself, once I am an adult, everything will be easy and I was DEAD wrong. I couldn’t have been more wrong in my life.

If things don’t turn out the way I plan, I’m going to be devastated and I won’t know what to do. I know I have the answers in myself but if my plans don’t work, that means I lied to myself and I won’t even trust myself right? What to do,hmm,this reminds me of this song,I’ll end my entry with it.

Evening is the time of day,
I find nothing much to say.
Don’t know what to do,
But I COME THROUGH!